Courtesy of Mike Wittmer
15. Your associate pastor is warming up in the bullpen.
14. The praise band begins playing you off the stage.
13. You are using PowerPoint.
12. When asked to read from the King James Version, you involuntarily blush every time you say the word “ass.”
11. The congregation is filling in the blanks of your outline before you get there.
10. You think the lyrics to a bluegrass song are really connecting with your audience.
9. When you pause for dramatic effect, several people giggle.
8. Your cell phone starts ringing, and you answer it.
7. The person signing for the deaf just pulled on mittens.
6. When the children are dismissed to junior church, most of their parents go, too.
5. Your sermon took shape over a glass of wine and volume three of Left Behind.
4. Your interpreter just rolled his eyes and put your last statement in quotation marks.
3. Desperate mothers are pinching their babies.
2. The ushers are handing out refunds.
1. You began your sermon with “Top 10 signs your sermon isn’t going well.”