It’s only a hypothetical question for many of us. That is, unless you have nearly lost your life or you have lost a loved-one in some tragedy. It’s the question my friend Todd asks after the loss of his young boy. It’s the question that those who lost loved-ones on 9/11 ask. It’s the question I ask (and my wife asks) in light of the awful year we just experienced.
A year ago (February 2 is the one-year anniversary!), I nearly lost my life to an aortic dissection. Worse yet, my wife and kids nearly lost their husband and daddy. It was a horrific ordeal for Linda because after the initial surgery I developed respiratory complications that, again, threatened my life on a daily basis. I was in a medicated coma for four weeks.
Most would like to look at the positive of this and say, “Wow, God was so good to you for saving your life like that! He spared your family from such heartache!”
It sounds good to say that, and at many times I definitely agree with that sentiment. But then there are other issues that are raised in my heart-of-hearts:
- If God is in such wonderful control of everything, then why did this happen in the first place?
- If God was so good to us, then why did he put my wife through four weeks of absolute stress, not knowing if I would survive another day?
- If God has a good plan for his children, then why was I in the hospital for seven weeks and then basically home-bound for the entire year while they awaited my ability to have a second surgery to re-do (!) the emergency surgery and to repair another aneurysm and to replace a faulty heart valve?
- If God is soveriegn, then why is it that my ministry was placed at a stand-still for a year, right when it was starting to launch?
These are the issues that I want to face square-on.
Watch for more ruminations here at the blog.
technorati: spiritual formation